Republican Debate Recap

Posted By: Dr. Frugal in Politics on 01/31/2008 at 06:39:48

In case you missed the Republican debate last night here's a quick summary:

Moderator: Mitt Romney, you've never served in the military--do you think you could perform as Commander in Chief·

Romney: Let me say first that John McCain is a bumbling idiot and I don't even know who these other non-presidential-looking old men up here are. My wife already calls me the Commander in Chef because I cook so well so I don't anticipate a difficult transition when acquiring that extra "i".

Moderator: John McCain, Mitt Romney has been quoted as saying you eat babies. How do you respond to this and in what ways will you address immigration issues·

McCain: Mitt Romney says a lot of things that aren't true. It's because he's a bumbling idiot--I know this to be true because I saw him eating babies this morning while discussing his 4000-step proposal to rid our great United States of Immigrants. Honestly, I haven't looked at today's date and ultimately that's how I determine my immigration policy--for example if it's Tuesday it's what I call "Amnesty Tuesday" but if it's Friday--well, that's "Internment Friday".

Moderator: Ron Paul, what are you still doing here· Surely you're aware you're not going to win.

Ron Paul: Oh, I know. But that's not the point. The point is that both John McCain and Mitt Romney are illegal in the constitution. If anyone other than me had read it they would know this. I would also like to point out that I'm just generally irritated by everything.

((( Audience Applause )))

Moderator: Mike Huckabee, do you agree that John McCain would make the best president of the United States·

Mike Huckabee: Oh my God, are you serious· Thank you Jesus, I can't believe it's finally my turn to talk. You better believe on every holy book of the holy bible that I'm going to talk for 20 minutes straight starting now. To answer your question, no John McCain would not make the best president of the United States--I would because I believe that everyone should be equal under law. When we lose that equality our nation fails. Wait, let me rephrase that--I believe that everything-I-think-is-cool is equal under the law. This includes a 10-second old fetuses but does not include gays, or non-Christians. They're not really "people" though so who cares. Wow, am I still talking· Uh...


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